By Devon Martinez, Staff Writer
At a recent press conference, Mother Nature revealed her plans to cancel humanity over the Coronavirus fear.
“I can’t afford to be sick,” she said to a sold-out room in Washington D.C. “So, it’s time for me to use my powers at will and end you all. You caused this virus, and now it’s affecting me.”
During the one-hour conference, she described in detail her plan to wipe out humanity.
The major volcanoes, including Yellowstone, would erupt on the first day. On day two, she will cause massive earthquakes around the world along with tsunamis aimed towards the world’s largest cities. Finally, a great flood will cover the earth for forty days and forty nights.
However, Mother did provide humanity with three months to solve this. Most reporters asked questions about her opinions on the Trump administration’s handling of the coronavirus. Some reporters tried to find out if Mother believed that Trump was the one who originally caused the virus, but she deflected the questions and wasn’t interested in sharing her opinion on the current administration.
President Trump praised Mother on Twitter for not falling for the “fake news” attempt to get her to attack him, but he also critiqued her plan to wipe out humanity and argued that a nuclear fallout is the better route to take.
“I can do it with just a touch of a button,” Trump said. “She doesn’t have a button. I have a large big red one. People say it’s the biggest button. They say, ‘President Trump, do you know you have the biggest button?’”
Pikes Peak Community College’s The Paper contacted Mother to see how she felt after the press conference. She said that she was confused by our reactions to her plan to kill humanity.
“I’m confused. I expected panic and for everyone to ask for forgiveness for what you all have done to me. Instead, the President is the only thing that’s brought up.” She then added, “You all deserve to die if you care more about the success and failure of one man than you do about me.”
We tried to get her opinions on who will be the Democratic nominee, but she declined to answer any more questions.